Today I spent the day with a good friend and her mother and made me realize something.
I'm not happy with my family. What is wrong with them? Is it religion? Has it taken over their lives and their way of thinking. Why does religion do this to people or is it the people. I think they're scared and lost. Lost that mistakes happen when religion is not apparent, but it's the total opposite. I think mistakes happen when people are too worried... Worried of being judged. Who cares what others think of you and as long as your actions are good religion shouldn't be the reason behind it. Where is the love. The compassion for others- the acceptance. Who decides what is wrong and what is right in your life. I just feel hurt. Inferior. Why do I have to lie to myself and pretend everything is okay. You want the truth? Everything is not okay. I smile to keep the questions away and I keep my pain inside to make sure no one sees my weaknesses. I'm scared and I make mistakes, aren't we all? But what is perfect? I do not know nor do I want to find out. I'm not perfect but I am tired. Tired of being told what to do, how to feel, how to live my life, how to present myself, how to act, how to think, how to fucking breathe. Just let me be. I feel so cold, empty, and non existent. Is there an answer to all my questions, why do I cry even when I don't want to. Fear is something I've learned to overcome but weakness... That's just something I'll never show. I can't chose were I come from but I can chose where I want to go and I'm going.