I will never understand how it is to live in poverty

Not in poverty of wealth in societal standards 

Poverty of the soul

I believe it's a beautiful thing to understand culture, values, ethics, foods, music, dance

It's part of humanity 

Since our exsistance, we've all came together in unity 

Evidently we are social creatures 

We are all the same 

No one better or worse 

So why judge? 

I have no enemies and I don't believe I should 

What have I done to wrong anyone?

I just want to be known as Anthoulla 

With just a name I want to be known 

I know I'm different 

I know when I walk in the room what people think of me 

I hate the attention 

Social creature obsessed with beauty and knowledge 

 

I'm not lost anymore 

I know who I am 

I'm no longer living in darkness, depression, and fear

I know where I want to go

I want to shine 

I want to be brilliant 

I just want to be me now

I hope someday you find yourself and love you for you 

No one can replace you or ever be you 

Take pride in yourself because you have talent and grace 

No one can take away your essence - make sure it's always a good one 

With love, 

A

P.S.

My writing is not directed to anyone in my personal life, only the reader. 

People ask me if I'm happy

I smile and respond with, "yes".

And the truth is,

I don't hate myself,

I don't think I'm ugly,

I don't have people bully me,

I was the popular girl in high school,

I'm in college getting a career,

I'm skinny,

I have perfect skin,

and in a relationship

But I think beauty is a curse

I have all this confidence but inside it hurts

Pain from my past, present and future

I've see things I wish I could erase

Heard things a child should never be told

Felt things I wish I never felt

I think i'm tainted

I'm messed up

I want to be understood

I just want to let go

My heart feels heavy

My blood rushes

Sometimes I wish I could disappear

and that's the saddest truth of it all

They say crying is for the weak, well, maybe that's why I always cry alone.

I once wrote: 

Now, I ask myself, am I too young to feel such love.
I used to think love was for the weak, and being hurt by it once in the past I learned that double standards are bullshit. I did my own thing, hooked up with random guys, never exchanged my real name and barely gave out my number. I played the game and I played it good until I met him. He wasn't exactly what I expected. He was not like most guys I hooked up with. Had a dorky smile, had goals, studied the arts, and had a wild side. But, I knew deep down he wasn't someone I would want to lose. So then I let him in. Unfortunately a little too much, but is it really unfortunate? Anyway, things went to the worse and I fell for the only person I thought I was going to have one of my flings with. I just thought it was a summer romance, then my freshman year of college would start, and my life would move on. And it did, I started university, met cool people, and went on other dates to take my mind off of my summer romance. I moved on just enough to fall back into his daze. I won't lie, he had me hooked, from the moment I laid eyes on him and felt that spark. And from there what started as something so radical turned into something I never thought existed, unorthodox even. But everything is different now, my view on life, virtues, ethics, morals, my habits even. Its weird to talk about love because it's so arbitrary but never conventional. Love doesn't have an age or an expiration date, or an explanation, it only takes one moment, one time, one spark to know. He found me in a dark place and made happy again, and that's all I need, his love. Everything happens for a reason that reason may not be evident right away, it takes time, and I learned patience, because the best things in life don't come easy.

I don't want to be a boring adult
I want adventure
I want to be able to drink till the sun rises
Laugh till my stomach twists and turns
I want to dance, oh, how I love to dance
I want to smoke and let go, free, and creative
I want the sweet smell of coffee in the air
I want to hear the sounds of the ocean splashing
I want to watch the sun rise and set
I want spontaneity

I hate being brainwashed into what society expects of me
I hate sitting in class and being taught by someone who believes they're more superior because of a degree
I hate what the meaning of life has become

We all just label each other
Objectify one another
Judge each other based on false pretenses

Why can't we just accept what life has to offer
Why the greed for materialist bullshit
..nothing lasts forever sweetheart

Just, just close your eyes and picture a world that was this liberating

Langston Hughes once said,

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet? 

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load. 

Or does it explode?

I ask what happens to a mending heart?

Does it forgive?
like a priest to his son
Or does it move on?
like the waves to the shore
or does it hold on?
like a child to his mom
Or does it stay in your memories
and haunt  you for life 

Or do you just let go? 

Maybe it just stays there
a reminder to always be bold
do not explode for life is forever unknown