People ask me if I'm happy

I smile and respond with, "yes".

And the truth is,

I don't hate myself,

I don't think I'm ugly,

I don't have people bully me,

I was the popular girl in high school,

I'm in college getting a career,

I'm skinny,

I have perfect skin,

and in a relationship

But I think beauty is a curse

I have all this confidence but inside it hurts

Pain from my past, present and future

I've see things I wish I could erase

Heard things a child should never be told

Felt things I wish I never felt

I think i'm tainted

I'm messed up

I want to be understood

I just want to let go

My heart feels heavy

My blood rushes

Sometimes I wish I could disappear

and that's the saddest truth of it all